Manure

By Robert Delilah

That morning, something jammed the automatic sweeper.

Every hour—on the hour—the sweeper pushed the cowshit that matriculated from the pens above to the waiting troughs just beneath the barn floor. Thanks to the sweeper, the sludge would be shunted off into the pit-like tank beneath it all, instead of rising through the grates as a massive, gut-churning lake. The pit was pumped clean by truck every other week or so; its contents processed, bagged, and sold off to hardware stores, flower shops and, of course, farms.

No one noticed the jam until well into the afternoon, so the troughs had very nearly begun to overflow. But instead of calling for a mechanic, Guillermo’s foreman, Ted, handed Guillermo a twelve-pound sledgehammer, one of those with most of its haft sawn off—the sort used by idiots and oilmen. Between clenched, meth-cooked teeth, Ted hissed two words:

“FIX. IT.”

Guillermo spoke English.

Rather well in fact, as he liked to brag to no one anymore.

But he also liked to pretend he could not. Ted had yet to discover this of course. And ever since Guillermo had been brought to the farm more than three years prior, the two of them had remained on a two-word basis—broken jaw or no. He’d gotten out of this sort of work before, but Guillermo clocked within Ted’s eyes a bloodshot, drug-wired mania and he knew, understanding or no, that this time Ted would broker no argument.

Two days ago, Julia was shipped off to a “facility.” One of the ones the other laborers fearfully murmured about, as if only by being overheard they might themselves be dragged there screaming.

They’d brought Julia to the farm some months back. She spoke little—one-word responses to most anything. Perhaps that was what drew Guillermo to her. But where Guillermo’s silence spoke of cold acceptance, Julia’s screamed of a smoldering rage only just held in check. She kept a buck knife in her pillow. Somehow neither the other laborers nor the foremen ever found out about it. Guillermo himself discovered it one morning when trying to wake her.

He’d lied and told the others he’d cut his hand on a bit of barbwire.

Guillermo and Julia shared meals from then on. And in the ensuing weeks the girl, barely thirteen, became somewhat of a de facto niece to him. He no longer had any family of his own, and if she did, she never spoke of them. Perhaps Guillermo was simply lonely; he suspected as much anyway.

One day, Julia was picking muddy green onions when, shrouded in the cool shadow of a domineering cloud, an uncalloused hand grabbed for her ass.

Guillermo, standing in the sun a field away, heard the subsequent pop of bird-bone knuckles cleaving jawbone. The sound reminded Guillermo of a framer he used to know in Ciudad who’d drive a five-inch nail into rough-sawn timber with just one swing. Ted awoke a while later, sporting a broken jaw and a freshly purple bruise which bled down into his neck.

ICE was there in the hour.

Guillermo felt Julia’s buck knife press against the inside of his left boot when he rounded the back of the cow pen where a line of grates led down into the machinery’s bowels. Crossing a rusted trapdoor complete with ancient, grime-coated padlock, he knelt and unfastened a cross-stitched aluminum panel, then shimmied into the crawlspace. Once inside, still stooped, he stepped from joist to joist, then back along the underpan’s entire length to find where the thing had jammed. The grate above dripped constantly. And every minute or so, a fresh cow pie would slither past him into the already overflowing troughs. There were several near-misses. And he heard little over the clang and clamor of hooves against concrete and steel just above his head. The smell within was dull and sulfurous, but a tang of metallic sweetness rested on the underside of his tongue. Guillermo had worked on this end of the farm since he’d arrived. After the first month, he’d stopped noticing the fetid reek that pervaded the place. Yet now, balancing above a veritable lake of shit, he was pressed once more to reckon with the stench. Grease-flecked and vile. Undeniable.

At last, after some tens of minutes, he located the problem: a rock—practically a small boulder—trapped in one of the tumblers. It was wedged within its teeth like a particularly stubborn seed.

Guillermo perched his foot on an angular joist to straddle the tumbler’s weighty servomechanism. The steel creaked as Guillermo felt the beam itself sag. He froze, loitering between heartbeats, waiting for the rig to inevitably snap apart and collapse.

Bracing his back against the damp ceiling, he readied the sledge, angling to dislodge the rock with one momentous blow.

WHAM.

Brittle flecks shot out as the impact marred the surface of what he realized then was a solid chunk of concrete. He shut his eyes as the spray of chips and dust flew into his face.

It was a slim, half-moment—a twitch within a hesitant spell—but that’s all it took.

Guillermo’s weight shifted, and a forgotten slick of grease leaking from the servo caused his left foot to slide, then slip out from under him. He pitched forward, dropping the sledge before extending his arms to try to catch onto the railing. But, gripping blindly, he missed. Guillermo’s chest slammed hard onto the wedged concrete. The air, forced from his lungs, came out his mouth in sputters. The ensuing impact of rib cage-to-stone was enough to unseat the chunk and Guillermo, flailing, tumbled downwards with it into the awaiting troughs.

He landed with a sickening squelch, and before Guillermo could grasp a sense of where he was or what had happened, a whirring sounded above him, and the rolling tumblers hummed once more to life. Shuffled along the top of the trough’s putrid surface, Guillermo was ferried down a waterfall and into an awaiting well of shit and cow piss. Guillermo feared he might drown and was sure he’d broken his neck. But he rose and wiped at his eyes. No matter how thoroughly he smeared away the refuse, he saw only dark.

In time, though, his eyes adjusted. He gleaned the vague profile of the pit’s sheet metal sides and figured a rough outline of its dimensions by the scant illumination shining through the gaps of the machinery overhead. Guillermo found himself strangely calm. So long as someone looked for him in the next several hours, that someone would find him.

But several hours did pass. Eventually, he started shouting, and then he began to scream.

Yet even these little desperations couldn’t carry past the grunts and the chuffs, the shuffling of hooves on steel, nor past the mechanical drone that shook his skull whenever the servos hummed again to motion. Every hour, the shoots opened and—for the briefest of moments—Guillermo saw dregs of bright sunlight peak through until another fresh load was swept into the pit to pile atop him. And each time Guillermo could do little but hug the far wall and pray.

It was when the sludge rose to his chest, when the subterranean chill had sunk fully into him, that he found himself thinking of the barn’s tin roof, roasting like the dangerous little hotplate he used to warm his coffee; he thought of tamales, cold beer and good sex. And, for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, the sun most of all.

Then he spotted it.

Corroded. As thin at parts as a coat hanger. A grimy, decaying service ladder stuck out of the wall.

Hope alighting within him, Guillermo swam to the opposite wall. Shaking with the effort, buoyed by liquid manure, he lifted himself up onto the bottom-most rung set seven feet from the floor. He climbed, rung by rung, shivering wildly with chill, as his limbs howled and begged him to stop. But Guillermo knew better than to listen. He’d been through worse. He survived the crossing. Survived the Coyotes, and the Cartel. And that bastard Ted. He promised himself he would survive more after this.

So he climbed—more than seventy, eighty feet—until he was under the trap door leading up and out to freedom. Hooking an elbow onto the top rung, Guillermo lifted a hand to the trap door and pushed hard.

CLUNK.

He felt the door catch, exposing a bare inch of warmth and daylight before stopping short on the rusted padlock he’d noticed earlier.

It was locked.

Manic tears dug deep trenches down his stained face as, without thinking, Guillermo seized Julia’s knife from his boot, holding the blade momentarily with his teeth to adjust his grip on the rail. The taste of steel and copper-tinged shit was irrelevant. With a shaking hand he lifted the knife and wrenched hard against the underside of the padlock.

The blade broke with a snap and only a jagged half of it remained.

Choking, sobbing, and with the very last of his strength leaving him, the trap door clattered back into place, casting Guillermo again into darkness. He hung onto the top rung, clutching the broken knife, and cried.

Thump THUMP.

Thump… THUMP THUMP.

Hooves, Guillermo thought. Or were they footsteps? Was he imagining it?

There was a jingling of keys, and a neat click from the padlock. Sunlight blinded Guillermo as the oubliette’s trapdoor was hurled open above him, revealing a crouched and sniggering figure.

Ted flashed crooked grey-and-yellow teeth. “Got a little stuck, eh?”

Guillermo stared, fumbling to extend a grime-laden hand, but the foreman made no motion.

“How’d you get your hands on that?” Ted asked, raising a finger towards the broken buck knife.

Guillermo didn’t answer. Switching his grip, he extended his free hand towards Ted.

Ted grinned, just out of reach, his eyes still transfixed on the thing in Guillermo’s hand.

Then there came a groan and a creak. One end of the rung onto which Guillermo had hooked himself snapped suddenly free. The corroded steel screamed as it bent and warped, while the rung on which Guillermo’s feet were set began to bow. Guillermo wobbled, trying in vain to balance himself in some way that would stop him from toppling backwards into the pit.

Ted made no motion.

Fury welled within Guillermo. Where before he was cold and paled by chill, he now felt his head grow hot, felt his ears burn red. Like candle wax, whoever he was, whoever he’d been before, melted away, leaving only the burnt wick of rage—and a sole impulse.

Guillermo leapt.

The rung broke clean from the wall as Guillermo, in one frenzied strike, stabbed Julia’s broken buck knife above Ted’s collarbone, hooking him like a fish caught by the gills. There was a spurt of scarlet spray as Ted, yellow eyes suddenly wide, pitched forward. With his other hand—firm and calloused—Guillermo seized Ted’s khaki-yellow collar and yanked down, hard.

They fell. Together. Ted struggled hopelessly in the air.

But in the moments before the two of them landed head-first into the pool of liquid refuse, without any prospect of survival or escape, the last vestige of Guillermo gave thought to Julia.

He hoped she was okay.



Robert Delilah is a writer and comedian based in San Diego, California. His written work focuses on the ridiculous, the unsettling and the uncanny. Previous credits include “The Numbers,” published in Black Sheep: Unique Tales of Terror and Wonder issue No. 17, and the comic short “Peel” as part of an upcoming horror anthology from The Panel Smiths comics collective.

Photo credit: James Whatley via a Creative Commons license.


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The Neighbor’s Goldfish

By Ashley Dryden

I saw her today, the next-door neighbor’s goldfish.

They keep her in a shabby, old pond in their backyard where the lawn meets the patio. I watch her swim around the lily pads from my second-floor bedroom window, every splash of her tail makes ripples along the surface of the water.

The neighbors like the attention she brings. They’re a cheerful, young couple who love to show her off, always having parties in the backyard. And when the other neighbors learn about the pond, they learn about the goldfish too. I was never invited but the noise they make keeps me up late. The only thing that’s quiet in the neighbor’s yard is the coin jar they keep in the center of their patio table.

The wife loves to go on and on about the goldfish. She spends hours chatting about how the fish is a fancy breed and how fancy breeds often get sick and require higher maintenance. It’s the only thing she ever talks about with anyone. The husband is just happy to be there. He isn’t afraid to mention that the goldfish belongs to his wife, not him. He’s fine with it and often mentions how the wife had the goldfish for many years before she met him. Sometimes he posts photos on social media of him standing next to the goldfish.

.     .     .

It was a few weeks ago that I noticed something. Through my binoculars, the shimmering orange goldfish was struggling on its side when she tried to roll herself upright. Her scales had begun to flake, and the delicate fins were rotten and torn. In the murky water, I could hardly see her. The thick punch of cloudiness had caused the lily pads to wither. It took effort to see the goldfish under the smoky water, and for a moment, I wondered if she was even there.

I wasn’t sure if I should say anything at first. I didn’t know anything about goldfish. But the neighbors claimed they did. The wife was glad when someone brought her up at a party after seeing the goldfish tilting to the right.

The wife insisted it was due to the breed and that it came with health problems. She wasn’t silent for the rest of the party, laughing and smiling away. Neither was the coin jar.

The goldfish, though, kept declining and the community began to fear the worst. I remember when the cops were called to the neighbor’s house. The wife was screaming and kicking her feet as the officer took the goldfish away. The goldfish was given to the old lady at the end of the cul-de-sac. She posted pictures of herself standing next to the goldfish playfully swishing around in a clean tank. Nobody attended the wife’s parties anymore. The coin jar was empty.

But a few days later, binoculars in hand, I saw the goldfish swimming in the pond again, her scales shining in the moonlight. The wife stood on the patio looking over the pond. She had a pair of scissors in one hand and a bottle of gunk in the other. I couldn’t make out what type of gunk it was, but it sloshed around the nose of the bottle while she poured it into the pond. Then she took the goldfish out of the pond by its tail and beat it against the side of the house. She smacked it hard, the scales popped off like sparks from fireworks and blood splashed onto the patio. At the end of the thrashing, the wife took the scissors and cut up her fins before throwing her back into the pond.

.     .     .

It’s not long before the neighbors start attending the wife’s parties again. Nobody mentions “the incident,” and those who bring up the old lady in front of the wife are kicked out. Every so often I look over at the pond and see the goldfish, her fins shorter, her speed slower.

One day, after the neighbors leave the house, I sneak into the yard to see the goldfish. When her head comes to the surface, I show her my bucket and tell her I can get her out of this place. I promise I will take her somewhere safe where she will never be beaten again.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” the fish says. “The people in this house love me. I’m not going to let anyone take me away ever again. And the coin jar needs to be fed so my people are fed.”

I beg her to listen, but she bites my finger and swims under a lily pad. I go back home.

.     .     .

So, yes, I saw her today, the neighbor’s goldfish. The police found her body on the patio this morning.

.     .     .



I’m a writer and a college graduate who has always been a fan of symbolism and horror. I’m into writing, video game making, and photography. I have two dogs at home, and I love my parents.

Photo credit: Güldem Üstün via a creative Commons license.


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Freedom Calls (Commemorating Harriet Tubman’s Promotion to Brigadier General in the State of Maryland)

By Ellen Girardeau Kempler

Flying camouflaged
after nightfall, Harriet Tubman
mimicked the barred owl’s call,
signaling safety to fugitives
shadowed in darkness,
transmitting hope like
a firefly in the forest.

It’s no wonder
she chose to travel on Sunday—
the master’s day of rest—
when no press would post
wanted notices for runaways.

Following the North Star, she listened
for God’s guiding voice, led followers
through Maryland and Delaware
to Philadelphia—then up to New York,
singing, “I’m on My Way to Canada”
as they crossed the Niagara.

Through it all, she repeated
this refrain: “If you are tired, keep going.
If you are scared, keep going. If you are hungry,
keep going. To reach freedom, follow me.”

With every journey, she doubled back—
rescuing 70 souls in 13 trips. The Underground
Railroad fueled these escapes—hiding fugitives
by day, so they could fly by night.

In these precariously United States of 2024,
the General finally received her rank
for service to the Union
in our only civil war.

These anxious nights, whenever I hear
the owls’ questioning whoos or catch
the whoosh of swooping wings,
I think of Harriet, marshalling her troops.



Ellen Girardeau Kempler’s award-winning poems have been widely published in Wild Roof Journal, Mindful Poetry Anthology, Tiny Seed Literary Journal, Narrative Northeast, Writers Resist, Phoenix Rising Review, Gold Man Review, Orbis International Poetry Quarterly and many other small presses and anthologies. Her first chapbook is “Thirty Views of a Changing World,” (Finishing Line Press 2017). Her second chapbook, “Fire in My Head / Flame in My Heart: Poems for the Pyrocene,” is forthcoming (Kelsay Books 2025).

Photo credit: David Hoffman‘s photograph of Aaron Douglas’ painting, Harriet Tubman, via a Creative Commons license.


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s k i n

By Rebecca Havens

She is dancing by the entrance. Graceful, slow-then-fast; even Helen can neither compete nor look away.

Drinking in the shadows, I imagine all the shapes violence comes in, collectively stomping her meat into the pavement. I am one with the darkness—but I swear, I can see each layer of skin even through this candlelight, even from across the room, even with her flitting about this place, hip bones on full display. I will painstakingly peel, layer by layer like an onion, to form small arrays of flesh, penetrable by the light.

I will hang them up to create monotone papel picado. Sheet by sheet spread onto my windowpane until it consumes the sunlight that tries to come through the door to disturb this dark romance. How is there so much skin unraveled? How is there so much skin still on her? Spread as thin as a whisper across mountaintops, I could cover the vast seafloor with her remnants. A declaration of some sort. Man makes meaning out of fluff; so I will construct meaning out of this pastime as well.

Dermis, thicker. Slowly, would-be tenderly, unearthing filthy filmy sacrifices to a god I do not believe in. Lung tas claiming stake to this apartment, to these long plank floors and its dust-catching corners, just as I am claiming stake to her.

To love is a craft—but so is it to hate.

Tissue, fat, muscle, that fleshy softness and her blood. Spreading, spreading, I cover my desk, my best coffee mugs, my trash can and the sink in the vacant parts.

I Sweeney Todd her innards, mixing her meat with other meats to create a bouquet of unmatched delicacy. Potluck indeed.

And a heart. I want to pour resin over this heart, I want to taxidermy it and keep it close. I want to whittle wood into its likeness. I want to create an altar to this grim offering.

Next time you tell me “boys will be boys,” I will smile my mischievous smile, drop my head, and nod to acknowledge this sin.



Rebecca Havens is a happy person. They work in the political space. They mostly write fiction and poetry, but adore everything.

Photo credit: Christian y Sergio Velasco via a Creative Commons license.


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Awaiting Harris’ Concession Speech November 6, 2024

By Dotty LeMieux

A woman adjusts the flags lining the stage
just so, as if perfectly draped flags
can protect us from the ignominy
of the next four years.

On stage, the flags wilt
despite folding, tucking,
crimping.

A young man in the crowd raises
his iPhone high above his head,
its flashlight beaming out.
With his other hand he holds
a plastic water bottle
on top of the phone,
a pale tribute
to a lost Lady Liberty.

While a nation holds
its ragged breath,
polar ice melts,
oceans die,
billionaires increase
their wealth and power.

In Texas, Oklahoma,
Georgia, Indiana—
Women bleed
in parking lots,
on hospital gurneys,
waiting—

Waiting

           still waiting



My pronouns are she, her, hers. I often write what might be called political or topical poetry. Much of it is in my five chapbooks, three long out of print, but the most recent are Henceforth I Ask Not Good Fortune from Finishing Line Press, 2021, and Viruses, Guns and War from Main Street Rag Press, 2023. My work has appeared in several anthologies, Writers Resist, Gyroscope, Rise Up Review, Poetry and Covid, MacQueens Quinterly and more. I live in northern California with my husband and two active dogs.

Photo credit: Adam Fagen via a Creative Commons license.


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Standard Safety Recommendations: Revised, 2025

By Ryan McCarty

Honesty may no longer be the best
policy, depending on who’s asking.
And sometimes accepting a ride
from strangers is the safest way home.
Do not secure your own mask
before helping children or others. 
Listen to your body, though.
Carrying heavy weight at arm’s length
can stagger you. Bent knees alone
will not be enough to do all the lifting.
Hold what needs to be picked up
close to your chest. Share warmth
with people who are in the cold.
If you smell smoke, do not wedge
a wet towel under the door. Listen
for coughing and the scuff of bodies
looking for fresh air. Always let them in. 
It is still better to be safe than sorry,
because jails and mass graves 
will never be emptied by apologies. 



Ryan McCarty is a writer and teacher, living in Ypsilanti, Michigan, where the poems walk around talking to each other and doing the good work, even though it seems like there’s more to do every day. His writing has appeared recently in places like Abandoned Mine, Blue Collar Review, Door is a Jar, Left Voice, Michigan Quarterly Online, Rattle Poets Respond, and Trailer Park Quarterly. He also writes at ryanmccarty.substack.com.

Photo credit: Wordshore via a Creative Commons licsense.


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Stars and Stripes: Registering Voters in the Travis County Jail

By Lauren Oertel

We see stars in their eyes—the legal technicality
allows them to imagine voting for the first time.

Then the stars fade
like the overwashed
thick stripes on their shirts.

Heavy doors buzz, razor wire-topped pathways
snake between buildings.

Guards mutter Make America Great Again
when they see our clipboards and registration forms.

It’s the shower shoes—thin, terracotta-colored,
plastic sandals, barely protected feet.

We might expect old glory to save us.
Save us from this man with scars on his face
that run not as deep as the ones on his heart.

Save us from that man whose injured hand
shakes as he signs his name.

Are they not here in the name of my protection?

Back out to face the wall, arms up, legs spread,
brace for the unwelcome hands. Back into cells.



Lauren Oertel is a community organizer and passionate supporter of authors, books, writing communities, and local bookstores. Her work has been published in The Ravens Perch, Evening Street Review, Steam Ticket, The Bluebird Word, The Sun Magazine, and more. She lives in Austin, Texas, with her partner Orlando and their tuxedo cat Apollonia.

Photo credit DonkeyHotey via a Creative Commons license.


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Inauguration Day

By Linda Parsons

                    I’m bleeding
                              I’m bleeding
          on the sheet and pillow    not
my monthlies        so many moons    gone.
          On the sheet   a red thread
                     unraveled
in sleep    stain hardened    to rub and soap.
                              I bleed
like a girl   the coldest winter    I’ve known
          splits    skin       streaks
my pillow   sheet    pulled to my chin.
                    I’m bleeding
for my daughters    and granddaughters
                    soft bodies
          sold in the marketplace
                              the coldest coin
          I’ve known.   All of us 
                    dying
                              in moons to come  
sheets pulled    to our chins    bloodied  red.  
          Won’t someone    breathe
                    soft    on our skin
          lift stains    from winter’s cold
                    bed?   I cannot bear 
               the weight   my skin    sacrificial
          torn loose   these longest    of nights.
                    Daughters, granddaughters,
bear this    dark day.    Rage    rage    curse
          the draining   of light.
                              I bleed
          for this blue and red
                    gash of country, for the drums   
                              beating past
     Lincoln’s feet.   Let the streets    run
with   girls   still believing   let
                    their birthright
          burn    white heat.
                    Only bright day
will wash   our bodies    past broken
          belief    blood    in its mercy
rubbed clean.    Only then   will we    break
          this cold bargain,
                              until then
                    you will see   
          how I bleed.



Poet, playwright, essayist, and editor, Linda Parsons is the poetry editor for Madville Publishing and the copy editor for Chapter 16, the literary website of Humanities Tennessee. She is published in such journals as The Georgia ReviewIowa ReviewPrairie SchoonerSouthern Poetry Review, Terrain, The Chattahoochee Review, Shenandoah, and many others. Her sixth collection is Valediction: Poems and Prose. Five of her plays have been produced by Flying Anvil Theatre in Knoxville, Tennessee. 

Photo by Haberdoedas on Unsplash.


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The Bishop

By Lao Rubert

                 –for the Right Reverends Mariann Budde, Anne Hodges-Copple and Scott Benhase

Before dawn she packs her briefcase
swivels its four gliding, revolving wheels
and marches through the door
in puffy down, long underwear
beneath her slacks. Garment bag
slung over her shoulder. Snow boots
grip black ice as she clicks
the car door open, slides in.
She arrives early, in time for the thick
El Salvadoran coffee Ana brews.
She has a speech to make.

Inside the drafty cathedral she dares
to lay a single word upon a silver tray.
Perhaps it is the audacity that offends
as she declares Mercy, and then again,
Have mercy, draping the phrase
like a string of pearls around his neck.
Disgraceful, insulting, fear-mongering,
he yelps, his power pricked.
Supplicants jeer, the street’s upended.
He stays up late, combats the words,
demands a mea culpa be extended.                                                                   

There have been death threats, she smiles.
They’d like to see me dead.
No apologies. Instead, she packs her robes,
rochet and chimere, white and scarlet,
alongside her embroidered black tippet.
Outside, the traffic roars and wails.
Beggars make their afternoon requests
and the Bishop counts the miles that she must go
as tributes mix with calls for her demise.
Some say she’s blessed.



Lao Rubert lives in Durham, North Carolina. Her poems have appeared – or will appear – in Atlanta Review, Barzakh, Collateral, Mantis, Mom Egg Review, Muleskinner, Poetry East, The Avenue, The Marbled Sigh, Wordpeace, Writers Resist and elsewhere. Rubert has spent a career working to reform the criminal justice system.

Photo Credit: Steve Robbins via a Creative Commons license.


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Marked

By Fendy Satria Tulodo

I was twelve when I figured out the world had already decided what to call me. Not the name Ma whispered soft as a prayer when I was born. Not the one my teachers read off the roll sheet. Not even the one my little brother mumbled when he had bad dreams.

It was something else. Heavier. Something that wrapped itself around me like a second skin, tight and unshakable, no matter how carefully I moved, no matter how many times I tried to stand taller.

It started with a look.

Not the kind people give when they’re just curious, when they’re trying to remember if they’ve seen you before. No—this one stuck. Followed me. Slipped into rooms behind me. Hung around in places where I should’ve been invisible.

But I wasn’t.

The Store

The first time I knew I was marked, it was a Wednesday. Just another day. The air smelled like fried food and gasoline, thick and familiar near the station. I had a few bills in my pocket, enough for a drink. Maybe some candy if I picked right.

The shop was the kind with a rattling fan in the corner and shelves full of things that never seemed to sell. Dusty bottles of soy sauce. Batteries in faded packaging.

I walked in, hands in my pockets.

The man behind the counter looked up. His gaze landed on me—and stayed there.

At first, I ignored it. People stared. That was nothing new.

But then I took a step toward the fridge. And he stepped out from behind the counter.

“Need somethin’?” His voice was sharp, cutting the space between us.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

I reached for the door handle.

“Which one?”

I blinked. “What?”

“Which drink you want?”

I frowned. “I dunno yet.”

His jaw tightened. “Then hurry up.”

The way he said it—like I didn’t belong there, like I was some kind of problem just for existing—made my hands tighten at my sides.

I reached for the blue bottle, the same one I always picked. I already knew I was short on change. Didn’t matter.

The second my fingers brushed the glass, he shifted.

Not fast, not loud. But definite.

A shift in his stance. A glance toward the counter. A weight in his right hand.

I dropped the bottle.

Didn’t even hear it hit the tile.

“Out.”

He didn’t have to say it twice.

The Walk Home

The street felt different after that.

It wasn’t the first time I’d been told to leave a place. But it was the first time I felt like I wasn’t just leaving a store. I was leaving something bigger.

I walked fast. Past the laundromat where the old ladies sat with baskets full of stories. Past the barber shop where Mr. Joko always gave me a nod like I was somebody. Past the cracked sidewalk where my little brother liked to draw lopsided stars.

At home, Ma was folding clothes. The air smelled like detergent and warm fabric.

She didn’t look up when I walked in. “You get your drink?”

I shook my head.

“Why not?”

I swallowed. “Didn’t have enough.”

She kept folding. Her hands were steady, smoothing out wrinkles, tucking in sleeves.

She didn’t ask anything else.

But that night, when she thought I was asleep, I heard her on the phone.

Voice low.

Sharp.

Angry.

“How do I tell him this is just the start?”

The Return

The next day, I went back.

Not because I wanted to. Not because I was thirsty.

But because I had to.

I needed to know if it was real. If it was just that day, just that moment. Or if it was something deeper. Something permanent.

I stepped into the store.

The bell jingled.

The fan rattled.

And the man behind the counter looked up.

His eyes landed on me.

And just like that, I knew.

It wasn’t about the drink. It wasn’t about the coins in my pocket.

It was about me.

I walked slow. Let him see.

I stopped in front of the fridge.

Opened it.

Took my time.

The air from the fridge was cold against my face. My fingers curled around the same blue bottle.

I turned.

Met his eyes.

And I dared him to stop me.

The Line You Can’t See

The counter felt . . . off. Like it had backed away just a little. Maybe it was in my head. The bottle was wet, slipping slightly as I held on tighter. A thought whispered—leave it, just go, see if he even reacts. But I wasn’t a thief. I was doing nothing wrong.

I stepped closer.

His stare locked on me. He didn’t budge, but his fingers twitched, just barely. Like he was gearing up for something. Like he saw a line in front of me that I didn’t even know was there.

I set the bottle down. Shoved the money forward.

He didn’t take it.

His eyes flicked to the security cam, then back at me. No words. Didn’t need any. I got the message.

He was measuring me. Deciding.

The air between us was heavy.

Then, slowly, he reached for the money.

The register beeped. A drawer clicked open. A moment passed, then a crumpled note landed on the counter. Change.

I picked up my drink. Turned.

I made it halfway to the door before he spoke.

“Don’t linger.”

The words weren’t loud, but they hit like a slap.

I stepped outside.

The bell jingled behind me, sharp and final.

More Than a Store

I stood on the sidewalk, bottle gripped tight, the pavement burning through my soles. People moved past—some fast, some slow—but none of them noticed.

None of them saw the line I had just stepped over.

The world kept moving like nothing had happened.

Like I hadn’t just been marked.

But I knew.

I turned the bottle in my hands, watching droplets slip down the plastic, vanishing into nothing. Such a small thing. Simple. But the store didn’t feel small anymore.

It wasn’t just a place to buy a drink.

It was a gate.

A test.

A reminder.

You don’t belong here.

You can leave, but you’ll still be carrying this with you.

I opened the bottle, took a long sip, and let the cold settle in my chest.

It didn’t change anything.

But it was mine.

The Lesson Ma Knew

That night, Ma was quiet. Not in the way she usually was, when she was tired after work. This was different.

She was waiting.

She knew I had gone back.

I set the half-drunk bottle down on the kitchen counter.

She looked at it, quiet for a second, like the words were stuck somewhere before they finally came out.

“Did he say anything?”

I hesitated. “Just told me not to linger.”

Her fingers tightened around the dish towel she was holding.

Then she exhaled, slow.

“Good.”

I frowned. “Good?”

She turned to me, eyes steady. “Means you didn’t let him push you out.”

I wanted to tell her it didn’t feel like I’d won anything. That it still felt like I was standing outside that store, even now.

But she already knew that.

She patted my cheek, her fingers rough but warm. “Now you know.”

“Know what?”

Her smile was sad. “That this isn’t about you.”

I didn’t understand what she meant.

Not yet.

But I would.

Marked, But Moving

Days passed. Then weeks.

I walked past that store almost every day. Sometimes I went in. Sometimes I didn’t.

The man never said anything more than what was necessary.

But the look stayed.

That weight. That mark.

It never left.

And yet—

Neither did I.

I stepped into other places, other rooms, other streets where that same look followed me. And every time, I carried that first lesson with me.

This isn’t about you.

But it still touches you.

Still lingers on your skin, in your shadow.

I could let it push me down.

Or I could keep walking.

I knew which one Ma would want.

And so, I walked.

End.



Fendy, a writer, musician, and creative mind from Malang, Indonesia, explores fiction, nonfiction, and business theory. His works have found homes in literary magazines and academic circles, reflecting his diverse storytelling and analytical depth. When he’s not writing, he explores storytelling through music under the name “Nep Kid.”

Photo credit: Photo by Robinson Greig on Unsplash.


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Saved

By Phyllis Wax

This time
will it be an ark
or a spaceship
when God decides
to cleanse the earth?

When rising oceans
submerge the coasts                    
and fire, flood and wind
ravage the rest,

when wars and wickedness
are rampant, when compassion
collides with greed

who will gather their loved ones
to climb aboard—

the righteous                   
or the rich?



Phyllis Wax writes on a bluff overlooking Lake Michigan in Milwaukee, WI. She grew up in the Washington, D.C., area, and is distressed by what is going on there these days. Her poetry has appeared in many publications, including Writers Resist, Jerry Jazz Musician, Rise Up Review, Spillway, Peacock Journal, Gyroscope Review, Wordpeace, New Verse News, Mobius, Your Daily Poem.

Photo credit: jaci XIII via a Creative Commons license.


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you’re all for autism acceptance ’til

By Lauren Withrow



Lauren Withrow is an autistic disability advocate, mother of two autistic children, diverse writer, TikTok creator (@thegirlbehindthe_mask_), and Lead Registered Behavior Technician. Her poetic writing explores themes of autism, identity, love, and justice drawn from personal and professional experience.


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The Age of Unreason

                    “He who destroys a good book kills reason itself.”   – Milton

By Matthew Sam Prendergast

                    Read to a creative writing class on August 29, 2024:

As you all obviously know, I teach creative writing. But I also teach those pesky Gen Ed composition classes you have to take. I have recently been instructed by the legislature of Indiana that if I “subject” you to ideologies outside of the boundaries of my discipline, such behavior can, and probably to their mind should, be grounds to deny me promotion and tenure. The law also encourages you to file a complaint if I trespass on ideologies.

I should note that I am part of the growing army of contingent faculty, a year-to-year contract worker, so I could stop here and say this subject is irrelevant to me. But the situation could be worse. The university could fire me even more easily. In simpler times, like 1973 Chile or 1939 Spain, we would have been spared any of this by just putting me against a barracks wall.

But these types of laws are how it is done today in a supposed democracy with ostensibly free speech. They are deliberately vague so as to chill speech. As a hypothetical high school teacher in Florida, were I to say that “racism is bad and something should be done at the structural level to redress it,” I don’t consider it implausible that a school board could use state legislation to fire me. It wasn’t enough for them to just ban AP African American Studies, citing the fact that it has “no educational value.”

Furthermore, let’s say I was married to a man, rather than just wanting to be. If I had a picture of my husband on my desk in a third-grade classroom and a student asked who he was and my reply was “That’s my husband,” it’s possible that such a reference to gender and sexuality could be used as grounds for dismissal. The law is so vague in referencing age-appropriate discussions of such matters that, if a parent complained that I had this subversive discussion with a high school senior, I could be fired.

Christopher Rufo, the man most responsible for making Critical Race Theory into the ultimate boogey man of the rightwing, claims that my concerns are hysterical and hyperbolic. That I should even have reason to conduct the thought experiment is enough to make me despair for our democracy and its ideals.

Returning to the specifics of my situation, what is within the boundaries of my discipline as a teacher of composition, a teacher who has an undergraduate degree in philosophy, MA in English, and an MFA in writing? I suppose it could plausibly be argued that everything that has ever been composed is within my discipline.

Let’s play this game some more.

Suppose one of you asked if they could use the bathroom. Now suppose I answered “You do not need to ask for my permission. You are an adult and should be able to come and go as you please.” Have I not “subjected” you to an ideological position that’s not within my discipline? And if I try to explain to you why this Indiana law exists, I have again “subjected” you to a discussion of ideology not in my discipline.

If I insert any discussion of some of the interesting subjects in our current “One book, One University” text, as I am strongly encouraged to do, I risk “subjecting” you to ideologies that fall outside the boundaries of my discipline: It’s about AI. What if I ask you what it means to be truly human? What a world without work could or should look like? If AI should be used in war? Have I not trespassed on ideology?

Clearly the folks who wrote Indiana’s law have but the most elementary understanding of what is even meant by ideology. They have “radical woke gender ideology” or “Cultural Marxism” on their fevered brains as they foam at the mouth and decry the virulent spread of the “woke mind virus.” It’s a law to solve no problem, like someone in a statehouse proposing a resolution to ban Sharia law or forbid first graders from using litter boxes.

You may have seen in your history books pictures of Nazi book burnings. Perhaps you were not instructed that one of the more famous pictures is that of the nascent Nazis burning the library of The Institute of Sexology, whose founder consistently argued for gay rights, for instance when he advocated for the repeal of Paragraph 175 of the penal code which criminalized sexual acts between men. The Jewish writer Heinrich Heine said in 1821, “Where they burn books, they will ultimately burn people too.” Certainly, he has been vindicated.

Today, we see viral pictures of library books from Florida’s New College being thrown into a dumpster, many about gender, sexuality, and race. Now I’m not such an alarmist as to think that I will be deposited in the dumpster. Not yet anyway. I think they’ll be content if I lose my job or am denied promotion and tenure. I think they’ll be content if I can’t marry whom I choose. Perhaps they won’t go further than that.

However, I’ve also been ordered by the legislation to include “intellectual diversity” in the classroom, the language more often cited in these discussions. That would credibly mean defending book burning if my intellectual and ideological position is that book burning is wrong. What might I say? It effectively kept them warm? And of New College, what might I say? I might say at least the state and the right-wingers who took over the school are conceivably sincere in their stated aim to protect twenty-year-olds from the woke mob and its authoritarian efforts to control the scope of what we as a culture deem appropriate thought and ideology. Then, I don’t teach psychology, and it may be dangerous for me if I step out of my lane and explain projection to any of my students, even in my efforts to insert “intellectual diversity.”

I don’t think it will ever come to pass that geologists or anthropologists will be forced to explore, let alone defend, the belief that the earth is flat and six thousand years old and thus that humans have been on the planet for that long. That a biologist will have to teach creationism if they teach evolution. I am certain that those who wrote this law never considered the fact that any economics teacher could conceivably be enjoined to insert Marxist political economy into their classes if in that same class they have a discussion of free markets. But I will say it again and continue to say it, the mere fact that I have to consider any of this is frightening enough.

So, let’s play some more in this dystopian playpen masquerading as a developed democracy in the twenty-first century. I could teach the debate over whether it is still necessary to avoid ending a sentence in a preposition perhaps. But then I am not a linguist and could not have a discussion of the divide between descriptive and prescriptive linguistics as an ideological discussion in that discipline. Do I need to teach students the importance of writing poorly for the sake of intellectual diversity? To explore the arguments for why plagiarism is just fine? That we should abandon the project of writing altogether and leave it to AI? Have a lively debate about whether APA or MLA is the superior documentation style? That paragraphs and thesis statements are unnecessary hindrances? That their goal should be obscurity and verbosity rather than clarity and concision? I suppose these are the ideological debates I may “subject” students to if I am to stay within the boundaries of my discipline.

In our creative classroom, perhaps it is not yet too risky to read Brecht’s “The Burning of the Books.”

I woke up at two in the morning to write this. Why? I was nervous for this reason: Given the lack of communication from the university about navigating this law, I wrote to someone active in the university senate about plans to address these ambiguities. He passed my thoughts on to the executive committee of the senate. I don’t know why he thought a friendly email between colleagues warranted such an action. He was probably just trying to be helpful.

I am a coward, really. I would not have been willing to go to Spain and take a bullet through the throat like Orwell or contribute to the resistance like Camus. I can’t confidently claim that I would even have the courage to hide someone in my attic. But the fact that it could be an act of bravery to share this elegy to reason with this class, or potentially dangerous to show it to a colleague, is enough to leave me unable to sleep.



Matthew Sam Prendergast, graduate of Vermont College of Fine Arts, is a Continuing Lecturer of English Composition at an Indiana university where he maintains a steady output of critical thinkers who learn to question the status quo and avoid the “naked this” and other promiscuous pronoun usage. His debut novel, Affinity, is slated for a Fall 2025 release. He lives in Chicago with his dog and his cat.

Photo credit: Darren Smith via a Creative Commons license.


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Welcome to Writers Resist the Spring 2025 Issue

March is many things. It’s officially the bloom of Spring for some, Autumn for others. It’s Women’s History Month, days of madness for college basketball fans, a time to celebrate corndogs and trees, Benito Juarez and books. Beer, pigs, and Sigrblót, peasants and heroes and transgender awareness, and countless other things living, inanimate and conceptual.

For those dwelling in the United States or connected to it, particularly those inclined toward our pages, March hosts the seventh through tenth week of the nation’s new Christian nationalist regime, a white-male-cisgender supremacist onslaught that’s devastating in as many ways as there are official celebrations in the month of March.

In response, some of us write poetry and stories, the historians of our turmoil, if not our destruction, and this Spring issue is rich with such contributions. The overwhelmed hide in mindless TV or video games, while the outraged protest with signs and letters and phone calls to legislators. Some, the hopeful, write prayers, calls to action urging a resounding response.

And when we acknowledge our power, the power of the people, we will respond as DW McKinney encourages us to in “The Sunday After.” We will unite to insist on freedom, equity, love and acceptance. We will unite to reject the cruel, the unconstitutional, the despotic. We will Lift Every Voice and Sing the revolution.

Sing with us by joining a progressive activist organization, whether your local Indivisible, NAACP, Dem Club, or any of the many groups advocating against the unfounded and brutal federal budget cuts, abductions and incarcerations, and supporting mainstream candidates in the 2026 midterm elections.

Uncertain how to get started? Read this Spring 2025 issue. Perhaps you’ll find some inspiration.

Alyssa Beatty “Enough

Annette L. Brown “Second Flags

Joanne Durham “Ode to America, November 6, 2024

Kelly Fordon “The Social Contract

Janan Golestané “Identity Theft

DW McKinney “The Sunday After

Caiti Quatmann “Finger Banging Slutty Young Woman

Ellen D.B. Riggle “Assigned at Birth

Susan Rukeyser “You Can Tell by Looking at Her

MM Schreier “She, I, You, We: Every Woman

Steph Sundermann-Zinger Two Poems

Ya-Ting Yu “Ya-Ting (Iris)

Banoo Zan “The Sea Gazelle

Two Poems by Steph Sundermann-Zinger

What if instead of the inauguration, I wrote about birds?

The rabble of small brown ones
beneath the feeder — the ones we can never
tell apart? Or the chickadees,
sacking away sunflower hearts against
a long, bleak season? Even now, the woodpecker
beats a concussive staccato, war drum
for the bruise-blue crows mobbing
to protect their nests, while the hawk preens
his tawny feathers on the garden wall,
indifferent. The mourning dove offers
a dogged lament, every day the same
bewildered grief. And always the cardinal,
blood-bright, black-masked, attacking
his own reflection in every shining thing.


Living Queer in the Days After the Election

The barn swallows are tucked into night’s shallow pockets,
morning song already brewing in their throats. Their familiar chorus
will start again tomorrow, nothing changing, even as the males
slaughter their neighbor’s nestlings, shoving their flightless bodies
to the ground. When frightened, octopuses close themselves
into coconut shells. They practice, I tell my wife after the votes  
have been counted, when she’s too afraid to sleep. I show her a video,
an octopus dragging crude armor beneath its tender belly, contracting
into it again and again, dress rehearsal for disaster. My daughter hides
under her teacher’s desk during blackout drills. It’s probably the safest place, 
she says, but there’s only room for one. A lot of kids just pile up
in the corners.
 I think about asking her to make space for another child,
but don’t. Survival is my body’s private anthem now, breath’s wild melody,
stubborn drum of my heart clenching and unclenching, like a fist. 



Steph Sundermann-Zinger (they/she) is a queer poet living and writing in the Baltimore area. Their work explores themes of identity, relationship, and connection with the natural world, and has appeared or is forthcoming in The Avenue, Blue Unicorn, Little Patuxent Review, Lines + Stars, Literary Mama, Split Rock Review, and other journals. She is a graduate of the University of Baltimore’s MFA program and the 2023 recipient of the Ellen Conroy Kennedy Poetry Prize. They were a fall 2024 Writer in Residence for Yellow Arrow Publishing. Find her online at stephwritespoems.com

Photo credit: “Evening Mourning Doves” by briandjan607 via a Creative Commons license.


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Finger Banging Slutty Young Woman

By Caiti Quatmann

This poem contains themes and explicit descriptions of trauma,
including sexual violence, misogyny, and systemic oppression.
Readers are encouraged to approach with care.

When you’re the first girl in third grade
that has to wear a bra (the same year
that spice girls release their first album),
the boys will start calling you “Slutty Spice.”

& the next year, when you get your first period
(well before the health teacher comes in
to even tell you what it is, so your mom finds
you crying in the bathroom with blood
on your hands, as you ask her, am I dying?)
your name will just become “Slut.”

& by fifth grade (as you cry each night
in the bath from growing pains) when
you’re towering over every boy who won’t
start growing ‘til seventh grade,
the world will call you a young woman.

& it will tell you:
You look so grown up.
You should be a model.

& men will whisper as you walk past
the restaurant bar, following the hostess
& your family through a maze of tables
& chairs, “Look at the tits on that one.”

& your Mother, during
appetizers, will tell you,
“I would have killed
for boobs like that.”

& in the summer before sixth grade,
you’ll ride bikes with your childhood friend
to the playground at school. It’s Saturday,
so no one is there, until her older
boyfriend appears with his friend.

& when she rides off with her boyfriend,
while you’re crawling through the tubes,
his friend will slide in next to you.

& as he slobbers on your lips
& shoves his hand down your shorts,
you’ll stiffen & think about
the texture of plastic, & how the blue
is faded where the sun has bleached it.

& after labor day, when you
start middle school, you will learn
this boy has a sister in eighth grade
who told everyone to call you “finger bang.”

& in seventh grade when your friend tells you
how the math teacher (who is also your volleyball coach)
seems to call on you all the time & asks you
to walk up to the chalkboard,

& that he won’t stop looking
at your chest the whole time—
you don’t notice.

& because you’ve become so familiar with
the discomfort of men’s (& boy’s) attention,
you can’t even point to it as the reason
for the omnipresent tightness in your chest

& lump in your throat that grows bigger
& bigger each day. You’ve been desensitized
to the male gaze, learned that your body
is always available for viewing & comment.

& when you go to practice that evening,
you wear three extra sports bras
to make yourself smaller.

& in eighth grade when your friend
asks you what a blowjob tastes like
you don’t wonder why she would ask you,
why she would think you know
(you don’t actually know).

& because you’re “a Finger
Banging Slutty Young Woman,”
you explain it the best way you can.

And you tell her it tastes sweet
(because Ask Jeeves told you that
semen contains a high amount of fructose).



Caiti Quatmann (she/her) is a disabled poet, writer, author of the chapbook Yoke (MyrtleHaus) and Editor-in-Chief for HNDL Mag. Her poetry and personal essays have been published by manywor(l)ds, Samfiftyfive, Thread LitMag and others. Caiti lives and works in St. Louis, Missouri. Find her online @CaitiTalks.

Photo credit: “MacArthur Park” by Amy the Nurse via a Creative Commons license.


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Enough

By Alyssa Beatty

I add another rowan branch to the fire underneath the brazier and test the water with my pinky. Almost hot enough. A quick count of the bundles of herbs on the kitchen counter to make sure I have everything I need. Rose-tinted sunset streams in through my back door, propped open with a cinder block. It’s a signal to anyone who needs me.

First in is Mr. Murphy, who needs a tea for his arthritis. I decant a measure of hot water into an old glass Coke bottle, sprinkle in the herbs, and seal the top with wax.

“Let it steep until you get home. Drink it all. It’ll taste like ass, but it will help,” I tell him.

He ducks his head in thanks, holding out a loaf of fresh baked bread from his wife. He’s never said a word to me, but he’s also never missed a visit.

When he’s shuffled out the back door, I sit at the kitchen table, waiting. I should turn the radio on, for the illusion of company. But it seems like too much effort to get up again.

I turn the little mustang figurine toward the door, letting him see the sky. He’s my reminder, for days like today when I’m feeling worn out, of why I’m here. Mustangs were brought to a place they didn’t really belong and made it their own so completely that they became synonymous with their adopted landscape. I don’t belong here either. I’m a city girl at heart, more at home with concrete and steel than the endless flat plains that surround this speck of a town.

Some people think witches shouldn’t live in cities; that they need to have their feet on bare earth, see the sky and hear the wind in the trees. But those people have never harvested the energy of a crowd at a street fair or bathed naked in the moonlight reflected off a skyscraper.

Before I start to feel too sorry for myself, Martha Sperry knocks on the door. I’ve told her a million times if the door is open, she doesn’t need to knock, but small-town politeness is ingrained in her.

“Come on in, Martha. Need a refill?” I rise from the table, trying to disguise my weariness.

“Yes, please, ma’am.”

Martha’s son suffers from the worst case of cystic acne I’ve ever seen. Poor kid’s face looks like a map of the moon. He’d never agree to treating it with what I’m pretty sure Martha’s husband calls “devil’s brews,” but my tea works wonders for skin conditions. Martha’s been slipping it into her son’s dessert every night, and he’s come so far out of his shell he asked a girl to homecoming. Small victories.

I stir the herbs into the hot water, carefully pouring the brew into a yellow Tupperware bowl. As far as her husband knows Martha and I have been swapping soup in this bowl for the last three months. She takes it carefully and pulls out a hand crocheted rose and gold shawl, the exact colors of the sky outside. She’s really talented. I can’t help but picture her at an artisan market in the city, selling her wares for a hundred bucks a pop.

I need to stop thinking about the city. I’m here now. I stroke my finger along the mustang’s side. I picked him up at a swap meet on the trip here. He’s inexpertly cast, the metal lumpy and undefined on one side. But some magic leaked into his legs; they flow, capturing the joy of motion. He looks free.

It’s almost time. I dim the lantern on the table. The next client won’t want me to see her face or know her name. I wish I could concoct a tea that would take her shame and lay it squarely onto the man who should bear it. Lay it so squarely it puts him in the ground. I close my eyes and take deep calming breaths, visualizing my mustang, hooves thundering on the earth.

She slips in so quietly, trying to make herself small. My heart aches. Even in the dim light I can see the bruise blooming on her jaw. There are other bruises, too, I know, hidden under her loose sweatpants and oversized hoodie. On her wrists. Her thighs. She can’t be more than sixteen.

“Are you the lady they told me about? The one who helps . . . girls in trouble?’

“I am. Sit down. I’ll get started.”

“I don’t have money. The clinic . . . it used to be free.”

The clinic has been scorched rubble for two years now.

“I don’t take money.”

I scoop the water from the brazier with a jade cup, for peace.

“Will it hurt?” she whispers, as she watches me mix the herbs.

“Yes.” No use lying to her. “You’ll feel nauseated. You might throw up. And you’ll bleed. A lot. Drink ginger ale, real stuff, not Canada Dry, and rest as much as you can, until it’s over.”

“What will I tell my dad?”

There’s a lot of things I want to say to her father, none of them pleasant.

“Tell him you have the flu. The symptoms aren’t too far off. Burn or bury your pads, if you can.”

She nods, eyes downcast. Tears glimmer in the lanternlight.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” I murmur, filling the Coke bottle, melting the wax.

She clears her throat, taps her finger on the mustang’s nose.

“I like this. The way it looks like he’s running. Where’d you get it?”

“Someplace between here and San Francisco.”

“I’d like to go there, someday. Or anywhere, really.”

There’s no potion I can brew that will get her out of this town.

I offer her the bottle, and she slips it into her hoodie pocket. Just before she disappears into the night she whirls and hugs me, stick-thin arms around my waist.

“Thanks.”

I turn the lantern off. Starlight streams in; my mustang runs in their shimmer. I picture the girl running too, long legs skimming prairie grass, leaving this place behind. I picture it as hard as I can. Maybe it will be enough.



Alyssa Beatty lives and writes in Brooklyn, NY. Her work has appeared in Luna Station Quarterly, Flash Fiction Magazine, and Spread: Tales of Deadly Flora. Find her at alyssabeattywrites.com.

Photo credit: Madhu Madhavan via a Creative Commons license.


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The Sea Gazelle

By Bänoo Zan

                           For Ahoo Daryaei1


My body—my voice—

Time is out of joint
in this sea of forced hijabs

I wear a hoodie sweater to campus
To force me to wear a hijab
the Sharia militiamen rip it to shreds

I show you whose body this is—I roar—
Now that my torso is exposed—
I get out of my pants, too—

I announce independence—
walk down the street—tall as cypress—
My body is not my shame—

My arrest is a bloody scream
Plainclothes men beat me up—
bang my head against a car
and throw me inside—
The tires leave a trail of red

I am detained in a “psychiatric” ward
The only people with visitation rights  
are the Brigadier General of the Disciplinary Force2
Intelligence agents,

and pretend doctors who administer drugs
to drive me to insanity, confession,
and the insanity of confession

Waves besiege my protest
Pain pierces me as rape

I am restrained after attempts to escape—

I am a tempest in
a sea of subjugated resolves—

No ceasefire—between tyranny and freedom—

My body—is my weapon—

I am leaping out of waves



Bänoo Zan is a poet, translator, essayist, and poetry curator, with over 300 published pieces and three books including Songs of Exile and Letters to My Father. She is the founder of Shab-e She’r (Poetry Night), Canada’s most diverse and brave poetry open mic series (inception 2012). It is a brave space that bridges the gap between communities of poets from different ethnicities, nationalities, religions (or lack thereof), ages, genders, sexual orientations, abilities, poetic styles, voices, and visions. Bänoo, along with Cy Strom, is the co-editor of the anthology: Woman Life Freedom: Poems for the Iranian Revolution. 

Photo credit: Photoholgic on Unsplash.


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  1. Ahoo Daryaei, nicknamed “the science-research girl,” is a PhD student in French Literature at the Islamic Azad (Free) University, Science and Research Branch, Tehran, Iran. On November 2, 2024, security forces tore her clothes to teach her that she should dress modestly. She then stripped to her underwear and was arrested by plainclothes forces and detained and held against her will at a “psychiatric” hospital. “The sea gazelle” is a translation of her name: “ahoo” is gazelle and “darya” is the sea in Persian. ↩︎
  2. FARAJA, acronym for the Disciplinary Force of the Islamic Republic of Iran ↩︎

Assigned at Birth

By Ellen D.B. Riggle

I needed only search a few minutes to find the aging heavy cardstock piece of paper labeled in block letters across the top, “BIRTH CERTIFICATE.” I scanned a copy of this original document into a PowerPoint slide for a talk I was scheduled to give on so-called “bathroom laws”—legislation restricting who can use which public restroom. To illustrate how my restroom destiny was determined at birth, I clicked on the virtual highlighter button and looked at the picture on the screen searching for my “sex.” Within the faded decorative border is my name, parents’ names, date, time, and location of my birth, and the signature of the hospital’s “duly authorized officer.” In the lower left corner is my tiny baby footprint. However, nowhere is my “sex”—not a prompt nor a blank line. Nothing to highlight.

I checked the original document, thinking maybe this vital information did not scan properly. No, it simply was not there.

In 2016, North Carolina became the first state to pass a bathroom law, House Bill 2 (HB2), restricting access to public restrooms based on “biological sex,” defined as “the physical condition of being male or female, which is stated on a person’s birth certificate.” Although North Carolina was pressured by a coalition of activists and companies to effectively repeal HB2, by early 2025 fifteen states had legislation restricting restroom use based on sex or gender assigned at birth, including two states that have criminal penalties for anyone who runs afoul of the law. Several other states have legislation pending, and current presidential executive orders attempt to regulate access to sex-specific restrooms.

Confused, given the certainty of the legislators in North Carolina and other states that one only need consult the birth certificate to ascertain their sex, I began searching for more information. First, I checked with my brother, born in the same state as I, but in a different year and hospital. His birth certificate decisively declares “male.” Online, I found various images from my home state and others across time, almost all of which included “sex”—although interestingly, not all did.

The birth certificate is far more complex than most people would suspect. In the United States, birth certificates are issued by a variety of sources. Hospitals give new parents, like mine, a fancy piece of paper, sometimes referred to as “ceremonial” or tritely as a “souvenir.” It is not a government document. However, it is (using legal terms) primary, original, direct evidence of the actual birth. This piece of paper is what most people consider to be their birth certificates—especially when that is the title at the top of the document.

A different form, named something like “Registration of Live Birth,” is how a hospital reports to the appropriate county or state agency that a child was delivered alive, and records the date, time, and location (obviously for later astrological consultations), the baby’s name, parents’ names, and maybe other information such as sex and race. The resulting document is issued with an official embossed seal for proving citizenship. I checked the county’s “birth certificate” that I used to obtain a passport in the early 80s, and again found no report of my sex.

Intrigued, I continued searching for my restroom destiny.

Data about births are collected by states and reported to the federal government annually as mandated by the Vital Statistics Act. The federal government agency questionnaire of over 60 items for each birth is a relatively recent invention, and none of the information is mandatory. With no standard national form for birth certificates or registrations of birth, states and localities include different information in their files and create their own documents. Consequently, the National Center for Health Statistics estimates there are over 14,000 different variations of the birth certificate currently found in the United States.

I began to question the implications of this lack of decree of my sex. For example, what would I do the next time I flew through an airport in a state with a so-called bathroom law? What restroom would I be entitled to use? Would I be entitled to use the restroom at all? Would I use the “family restroom” even though I am not a family? Maybe I’ll fly only through airports located in states without such laws?

The legal sex on my driver’s license is listed as F. Seemingly, the DMV accepted my word for it when I turned 16, and it has been so ever since. X has never been an option where I live. Recently I paid for a new copy of what, in my county of origin, is now called a Certificate of Birth. It’s unclear when the certificate form was updated, but on the current version, my sex is listed as “female,” a designation not on prior documents and with no indication of when or how this was determined. In my mind, this is not my birth certificate; it is, at best, a sketchy administrative document of nebulous origin and uncertain validity.

Some legislators seem to have caught on to the birth certificate sex void, because several recent iterations of bathroom bills do not refer specifically to birth certificates but more generally to “sex assigned at birth.” Most legislatures have gone with that vague wording, but Montana lawmakers are quite graphic in their attempt to define sex. “Female” is a human with XX chromosomes and “produces or would produce relatively large, relatively immobile gametes, or eggs, during her life cycle.” “Male” is a human with XY chromosomes and “produces or would produce small, mobile gametes, or sperm, during his life cycle.” This wording ties sexing a baby to an event more than a decade in the future (puberty). Also, I personally find it disturbingly creepy that legislators are talking about human babies the way they do cattle. Perhaps they have forgotten that in the cattle farm economy, producers of small, mobile gametes have little value beyond ending up as a hamburger on someone’s grill.

Where I come from, long before kindergarten we learned it’s not polite to look up girls’ dresses or down boys’ pants. We simply took people at their word they were a girl, boy, astronaut, cute barking puppy, or a scary monster. And somewhere along the way, we learned that adults can be scary monsters, even if they don’t call themselves that.

I called my mother. She reported that in the delivery room the doctor made the classic announcement, “Congratulations, you have a baby girl!” She had never noticed this declaration was not on my birth certificate and was rather amused. I am certain she will not turn state’s evidence if I am arrested for violating a restroom law. Given there is no record of a gene map, nor hormone and hormone receptor test results, and my primary birth document is silent on the subject, I argue my sex is still a mystery.

Other states avoid “sex” by referencing “gender assigned at birth” in their legislation, ironically writing gender ideology into statutory code.

What gender was I assigned at birth? My mother often refers to me as her “awesome daughter.” But her heart and mind are big enough to know that not all daughters are assigned female at birth.

There is an Olin Mills portrait of my brother and me at ages 4 and 2, respectively, wearing matching blue tartan flannel shirts my mother made. Clearly she was enabling my early embrace of flannel lesbian chic. My gender could easily be called Midwest tomboy.

My father more than once referred to me as “he.” We fixed trucks, shot guns, rode motorcycles, and did all the things he would do with a son. In fact, he does have a son. Maybe sometimes in his mind he has two.

Perhaps my gender assigned at birth was never fully ascertained or reliably implemented.

I find a sense of freedom in my discovery that the document labeled BIRTH CERTIFICATE does not declare my sex. I know sex is not determined by a word on a piece of paper, and the simple sex binary is doomed by nature. Gender, often conflated with sex, seems even more complex. However, if we open our hearts and minds a little wider, it’s not so complicated.

One summer day, while standing in the yard talking to my neighbor, her four-year-old grandson looked at me and asked, “Do you have a penis?”

She and I were both caught off guard and smiled. I asked him, truly curious, “Why does that matter?”

He replied impatiently with another question, “Are you a boy or a girl?”

This is a question I had been asked several times before by children his age, usually to the horror of a nearby parent who was obviously afraid of my answer.

“Why does it matter?” I inquired.

“If you’re a boy we can play together,” he declared, obviously hopeful this was the case.

I left it to his grandmother to figure out the specifics of where he learned this rule and conduct a teachable moment.

“I’m neither. Sometimes both. We can play if you want.”

The answer satisfied him. We engaged in a very competitive imaginary car race around the yard, followed by a game of tag, ending with me on my back, balancing him in the air on my feet so he could spread his arms and make airplane sounds.

After a soft landing, he rolled over and put his feet up in the air, offering to lift me up so I could fly too.



Ellen D.B. Riggle is an award-winning educator and author, currently based in Kentucky. They hold a day job as a professor to support a semi-serious hiking habit. Their poems have been published in Rise Up Review, Pegasus, ADVANCE Journal, and Earth’s Daughters, and they are Executive Producer of “Becoming Myself: Positive Trans & Nonbinary Identities” (available free on YouTube).

Photo credit: Joy Gant via a Creative Commons license.


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Ode to America, November 6, 2024

By Joanne Durham

Oh America, I desperately want
to praise you, but even this poem
has begun wrong, like you began
wrong. How easily you claimed
the name of two continents,
the lands of other peoples. Here
you are, states untied, no belt
of decency holding them together,
all the rot of unentitled claims
shredding your fraying fabric.

Lying in bed before dawn, I fight
that rot creeping through my lungs.
I do not want to suffocate,
least of all from my own faltering
breath. So I walk out onto the deck
of this ocean-facing place
I call home. The stars are still the same,
Orion’s belt shines on, so close
to the Equator everyone on earth
can see it. Some woman like me
will stand beneath it as the sun shadows
away from her, in China, Ghana,
Greece, and marvel
at the three giant stars that hold
this belt secure. In ancient myths
those heavenly bodies make a bridge
to the world of souls. Few of us know
their names, but we know connection,
perhaps that is all we need to know—

The fog thickens as the sun rises,
even the sky doesn’t want to witness
the mayhem below. We are left
to navigate by our own constellations,
what shines true in our fragile lives.
I walk down to the beach, search
for a shark tooth, a reminder
of how old this earth is, how much
it has weathered.



Joanne Durham is the author of To Drink from a Wider Bowl, winner of the Sinclair Poetry Prize (Evening Street Press 2022) and the chapbook, On Shifting Shoals (Kelsay Books 2023). Her poetry appears in Poetry South, Vox Populi, CALYX, NC Literary Review and numerous other journals and anthologies. She lives on the North Carolina coast, with the ocean as her backyard and muse. Visist her website at www.joannedurham.com.

Photo credit: Yuriy Totopin via a Creative Commons license.


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Thank you for reading! If you appreciate creative resistance and would like to support it, you can make a small, medium or large donation to Writers Resist from our Give a Sawbuck page.