On Viewing the Porn Trading Cards Catalogue (1925-2025)
By Rachel Lincoln Sarnoff
Braid your hair. Pin your hair. Set your hair. Curl your hair. Spray your hair. Color your hair. Cut your hair. Blow your hair. Center your part. Left your part. Right your part. Lose your part. Cut your bangs. Flip your bangs. Feather your bangs. Grow your bangs. Pluck your brows. Draw your brows. Wax your brows. Thread your brows. Brush your brows. Grow your brows. Boy your brows. Line your lids. Cat your lids. Frost your lids. Matte your lids. Smoke your lids. Light your lids. Darken your lashes. Thicken your lashes. Spider your lashes. Telescope your lashes. Button your nose. Thin your nose. Shade your nose. Smooth your nose. Bite your lips. Line your lips. Fill your lips. Gloss your lips. Pinch your cheeks. Apple your cheeks. Blush your cheeks. Contour your cheeks. Shade your skin. Sun your skin. Bleach your skin. Brush your skin. Needle your skin. Blade your skin. Buff your nails. Tip your nails. Gloss your nails. Gel your nails. Dop your nails. Wrap your waist. Lace your waist. Hook your waist. Buckle your waist. Shrink your ass. Flatten your ass. Round your ass. Hourglass your ass. Bullet your breasts. Flatten your breasts. Plump your breasts. Wire your breasts. Inflate your breasts. Inflate your breasts. Inflate your breasts. Trim your bush. Clip your bush. Bleach your bush. Shave your bush. Wax your bush. Sugar your bush. Make it full. Make it stripped. Make it bare. Make it bare. Make it bare. Be soft. Be round. Be small. Be thin. Be thin. Be thin. Try Grapefruit. Try wine. Try Atkins. Try keto. Try fasting. Try skipping. Try vomiting. Don’t speak. Speak quietly. Speak alone. Speak together. Speak in unison. Speak in song. Speak louder. Speak louder. Speak louder.
Rachel Lincoln Sarnoff is a writer whose fiction, journalism, and essays reflect her career as a climate communicator. She publishes the Good Newsletter on Substack, hosts “Ask an Author” interviews on Instagram, and leads the Santa Monica Silent Book Club IRL. Learn more @rachellincolnsarnoff
Photo credit: Back of a 1960s card from a Go-Go Girls Deck, featuring topless female models by Vinnie DeVille via a Creative Commons license.
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