Ancient Alien Tour
By Wendy Vidlak
The tour guide wears a freshly starched uniform of a popular blue zhongshan. She quickly assembles the group and starts the presentation from outside the building.
“The 10th wonder of the ancient world is a 663-foot tower made of windows and a gold-colored metal. At one time, a giant sign with the name ‘Trump’ sat on top of the building. Found in what used to be the East Coast of the North American continent, is now in the country known as 那些被貪婪征服的人.[1]
“Trump, once known as a god to his people, led with complete authority and deconstructed the government at the time with another fabled archangel named Musk. Together they sought to build a nation separated from the world at large, led by the corporate elite.”
A man in the group shuffles then raises his hand.
“Yes, you have a question?”
A well-dressed man in his late forties asks, “What do you mean by a corporation?”
“Excellent question. In ancient times, instead of robots and computers that do most of the work for us as a community, they had an organization made up of senior officials and many working slaves. There were many corporations that focused on certain areas of development. For example, one type of corporation made food out of chemicals. We have since outlawed many of the items they used to put in food because unfortunately many were carcinogenic. Chemicals combined with the aggressiveness of the humans of the time, led to very short lifespans found around the continent.”
The tourists looked askance at each other not believing what they just heard.
“In this glass case, you will find an ancient pin artifact. The remains of the red, white and blue enamel wore off with time. However, next to the artifact is a replica picture of what we believe it used to look like. Frequently found in the burials from that time, we believe they used to worship this symbol as a physical representation of their god. Providing it in the burial coffin allowed them to seek heaven in the afterlife. They believed in an afterlife where only the chosen few found the reward of monetary riches beyond their dreams.”
A young girl wearing a tradition qipao with amazing embroidery of flowers raises her hand.
“Yes, young lady?”
“What is ‘monetary’?”
“Ah yes, relating to money. Money was an ancient system based on metal and paper that they would trade for goods. You can find some good replicas down the hall to the left.”
“You mean they had to trade for things? The robots did not give you what you need when you need it?”
“There were only very primitive robots with the most advanced being used by the military for war. The helpful robots we depend on every day were only getting a start at the end of the United States era.”
The tour guide leads the group to a spot on the far wall.
“Over here is a gold encased body. We believe this is the ancient ruler named Trump. We think he wanted to live forever in the afterlife. The myth at the time said covering your body in gold was the easiest way to make it to heaven. There were many others at the time that followed suit. From the ancient texts we have recovered, this religion believed gold was the ultimate resource, followed closely by an artificial contrivance by the name of cryptocurrency. We are not sure what cryptocurrency was, but it occurs a lot in ancient texts surrounding this period. We know some people used it to purchase goods and others simply reacted to it when it went up and down in value. Apparently, it was a tool the supposed god of Trump used to keep people in line and control emotional states.”
The guide points to the wall above the golden body.
“Up above the gold body, you can see a tile mural of the orange man the people worshiped. According to ancient alien theorists, he was not really a god, but an alien. Sent from another planet to infiltrate humanity. Unfortunately, the aliens, being color blind, got his coloring a bit off. The primitive people at the time accepted him as an actual human sent by god, regardless of his skin color. We believe they felt orange was the very best color possible. There were hierarchies based on skin color at the time and people’s place in society was based on that color. Now many conventional archaeologists disagree with this assertion and thought it was just a case of weird cosmetics that were popular back then. I will let you guys decide who was right.”
The young girl pipes up, “How could they not understand skin color of all kinds is beautiful? It makes the world an interesting place to live.”
“They were a primitive people. They viewed oppression as progress.”
[1] Those who are conquered by greed
Wendy Vidlak is a writer from the land of lakes who enjoys exploring the great outdoors and hopes to continue to breathe outside as long as possible. She has previously published in the White Bear Press and has an upcoming short story in the Galactic Mindsea Empire Anthology.
Illustration created by AI.
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