A Modest Proposal

By | 2018-01-10T20:07:49+00:00 January 11th, 2018|Categories: Issue 53: 11 Jan 2018|Tags: , , , |

By Dina Honour   From Business Day: A big name greeting card company today announced a launch date for its highly anticipated new range of greeting cards. The Second to None cards were designed in response to the increase of gun-related casualties, and specifically targets consumers looking for a way to reach out to friends or relatives affected by gun-violence. The [...]

Take This Memo by Tara Campbell

By | 2017-11-29T12:43:55+00:00 November 30th, 2017|Categories: Issue 50: 30 Nov 2017|Tags: , , |

Memo to the Executive Director of Enough Already with the Guns, USA From: Director of Market Research, Irrational Fears Division To: Executive Director, Enough Already with the Guns, USA (EAWG USA) I’m writing to follow up on our discussion about whether any lessons can be learned from California’s speedy abolition of open carry after the Black [...]

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The Grand Old Hanging Party

By | 2017-10-29T13:25:59+00:00 November 2nd, 2017|Categories: Issue 47: 02 Nov 2017|Tags: , |

By James Butt   Nate supposed it’d been the circus owner Charlie Sparks’ fault, with his hanging of old Murderous Mary, but that’d been a hundred years ago and Nate couldn’t understand the wisdom of doing such things today. “I like the card stock it’s printed on,” Elijah said. “Something you’d see for a carnival, or [...]

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Breaking News: He Fakes His Orgasms

By | 2017-10-10T15:46:44+00:00 October 12th, 2017|Categories: Issue 44: 12 Oct 2017|Tags: , |

Psychologists detect pre-existing conditions. A spokesman for the silent majority replies. By Andy Blumenthal   Bunk. What crap. Another pathetic dig at our elected president. At least make it credible, the way normal fake news spins around real events like a murder or WMDs. Though he could probably easily fabricate ecstasy, it’s a bizarre slur that [...]

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‘2017’: The Letter and The Review

By | 2017-07-06T06:20:34+00:00 July 6th, 2017|Categories: Issue 32: 06 July 2017|Tags: , |

By Miranda Outman   2017: The Letter, 1977 Tom, Terrific to see you out at Montauk. A shame Helen couldn’t make it, but you managed to whip up a nice spread. Diane couldn’t stop talking about that fondue. At any rate, Tom, I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ve read through 2017. It’s different, it’s interesting [...]

An Open Letter to the People Beyond the Fence

By | 2017-05-30T15:18:02+00:00 June 1st, 2017|Categories: Issue 27: 01 June 2017|Tags: , , , |

From David H. Reinarz,   I am writing to you from the Political Re-Education Farm, which I believe is somewhere in Southern Idaho. They won’t tell us exactly where we are. It’s part of the New Regime’s disorientation/reorientation technique. They’re trying to change our minds. There is a big fence around the farm—President 45 likes walls [...]

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Alt-Majority Nursery Rhymes

By | 2017-05-10T14:21:49+00:00 May 11th, 2017|Categories: Issue 24: 11 May 2017|Tags: , |

By Marvin Lurie Every time I think I've gone too far, I read the paper and realize I haven't gone far enough. Baa Baa Donny have you any money? Yes sir. Yes Sir, full banks many. Some for my gold door, some for my pompadour none for the little boy stranded on the shore. Donny Donny [...]

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The Completely Imaginary Trump/Russia Theory that May or May Not Prove To Be True or False

By | 2017-03-29T17:51:57+00:00 March 30th, 2017|Categories: Issue 18: 30 Mar 2017|Tags: , , |

By Amy Porterfield Levy   1987 – The Art of the Deal: Nukes Edition Trump decides that Moscow needs a Trump hotel and, like every good realtor, he thinks about how good he would be at solving nuclear proliferation issues. Trump: I have a great idea because real estate deals are just like nuclear arms treaties. [...]

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The Unofficial Recap of Trump’s Perfectly Normal Post-Election Press Conference

By | 2017-02-23T07:46:15+00:00 February 23rd, 2017|Categories: Issue 13: 23 Feb 2017|Tags: , |

By Amy Porterfield Levy   This will be the first in a new series called “The Unofficial Recaps of Trump Pressers.” If Trump is impeached soon, it will be a very short series. It will also be short if your recapper is murdered by angry men dressed as Pepe the Frog. So, here it goes. … Scene [...]

Gallop Poll by Grace Jelsnik

By | 2017-02-23T11:32:55+00:00 February 16th, 2017|Categories: Issue 12: 16 Feb 2017|Tags: , , |

A post-election Gallop Poll surveying 20,000 adults between the ages of 28 and 29 revealed the following startling results: 60% of the high-school dropouts who voted for Donald Trump believed he not only won the popular vote but also is the lead singer in the punk band Myopic. 22% of the people who voted for Donald [...]

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Alternate Facts by Tim O’Brien

By | 2017-02-23T12:03:42+00:00 January 26th, 2017|Categories: Issue 9: 26 Jan 2017|Tags: , , , , , , |

  "The Little Golden Book of Alternate Facts" by Tim O'Brien builds upon the classic Little Golden Books to create a satyrical response to Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway's euphemism "alternative facts." She spoke the term on Meet the Press, Sunday 22 January 2017, when referencing false statements made by new White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer about the [...]

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Wise Counsel From a Lecture Course Grader

By | 2017-02-23T21:19:38+00:00 December 22nd, 2016|Categories: Issue 4: 22 Dec 2016|Tags: , , , |

Dear Undergrads, As the poor soul who has been grading for this class for two semesters, suffering through countless horrifying exam answers and weak-ass essays, I have decided to share some useful exam tips with you all. WRITE LEGIBLY. If I cannot read your writing I obviously cannot understand your answer, which means I cannot determine [...]

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